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BeeS

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  • "BeeS" started this thread

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Friday, June 21st 2013, 10:46pm

Doula?

Hello all

Is there anyone who has used or considered using a doula for their birth/post-natal support?

I expect it is something which will be well out of our price range but I would like to investigate options as DH is currently unwell and I wonder if having this type of support might be helpful for us both and enable to better enjoy the arrival of our little one.

Any experience/tips/advice very welcome!
Bee

PCO/Amenorrhea. Resistant to Clomid. Success with Gonal F ovulation induction.
DS1 born Mar 11 and DS2 born Sept 2013

Jasper

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Saturday, June 22nd 2013, 6:53am

Hi.I have no experience of Doulas but if I had used one I am not sure that it would have been worthwhile as the care and support we received from the midwives and health visitor were excellent..Maybe ask mums who have used the hospital or birthing centre you are going to if they think you will get good care and support.x


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louise78

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Saturday, June 22nd 2013, 7:52am

Hi ya, I haven't had the experience of a doula but I'm afraid I didn't have very good aftercare - really is down to area I think! As jasper said ask people in the local area and see what there experiences have been and then take it from there. Maybe investigate the prices and see if it is feasible. I'm sure some additional help after the baby is born at home might be very helpful if your Dh is unwell - maybe a short term nanny or support might be more helpx
6x cycles of clomid bfn
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1x ivf - identical triplets - miscarried triplet at 9 weeks, lost my other two beautiful boys at 23 weeks - passed away shortly after birth 17th June 2010.
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2011 Nov immune cycle FET bfn
2012 Jan immune cycle ivf bfp baby7 Ds arrived safely 1/10/12 : D
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Flic

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Saturday, June 22nd 2013, 8:34am

I didn't have a doula but I did have my mum as for me, you just can't beat a bit of female support.

I watched a programme on them years ago and the one on there seemed really good. She was there totally for the woman.






Our miracle was born on 25.02.2010!!



BeeS

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Saturday, June 22nd 2013, 7:02pm

Thank everyone, i really appreciate all your responses.

I do know the area care from 2 years ago as I had my DS in the same hospital/with the same team of health visitors. They were medically fine but not great in terms of feeling personally supported, if you know what I mean. My main concern is if DH is too unwell to atten the birth I'd like someone there just for me. And I'm not really sure about that being my mum. I love her to bits but feel it could be more stressful, not less, to have her there for the birth!! I feel she could be more help looking after our toddler and helping at home a bit.

Cheers

Bee
Bee

PCO/Amenorrhea. Resistant to Clomid. Success with Gonal F ovulation induction.
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Saturday, June 22nd 2013, 10:03pm

Hi,

Sorry your DH is unwell hope he gets better soon. But very sensible to have a back-up plan in place.

1. Yes I agree mum is best for looking after toddler. I suppose it means you don't have sisters as you didn't mention them.
2. Any very close friends you would feel comfortable with? I would happily support my friend in labour and my husband would take a day off to look after the kids in the mean time. If you would do it for them chances are they would do it for you as well. Don't be shy to ask people are caring and love to help and a birth is a wonderful experience anyway. Maybe best to ask friends with kids though not to put off someone.
3. Are there student midwifes in your hospital? Can you go to another hospital with student midwifes? You can likely ask for one in advance and they would be very supporting as it is a special and first for them too. You would still have the senior midwife for the important bits.
4. I also suppose a doula would be expensive but would be inclined to have a couple of quotes at least just to know for sure.

Good luck it does not sound easy for you at the moment xx
Rianon

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Sunday, June 23rd 2013, 6:41pm

I would've had one. I felt unsupported after my first birth with many different midwives and HVs involved in my care, to the point that I hadn't met any one of them twice throughout the whole thing.

The same thing happened with my second pregnancy, however, I had my sister (who was training to be a midwife at the time) with me throughout labour and birth. I felt that she could speak for me, having been through it and having a good understanding of what was involved and what I wanted. My husband was a little bit anxious and it was all new to him, I found that having a calm and positive woman with me really made the difference and helped me to have a very positive experience.

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Tuesday, June 25th 2013, 7:44pm

My mum goes in with me.everytime :-). 1st - i was 20 yrs old and when i got close i swore. My mum said very sternly "there's no need for that language, i didnt do it through mine now stop!" i was so shocked. but i stopped swearing and havent swore.since lol. my mum is a very calming influence on me and she's a fabulous support network in labour. knows what i want and more importantly what i dont want. she is brilliant!
however, i appreciate not everyone has that kind of relationship wih their mum and i 2nd the thought of having a really good friend in with you or request a.student midwife to be there constantly.

hope everything goes well.

jade xxx :thumbsup:
After a long hard infertility journey, i am now reluctantly done

BeeS

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Friday, July 5th 2013, 12:27pm

Thanks so much, Rianon, Bells and Jade. Really good to hear your thoughts.

Jade, I love your mum telling you not to swear!

Bells, how brilliant to have your sister there, esp as she's a trainee midwife.

Rianon, your ideas are all really helpful, thank you. I do have a sister, and she would be great in many ways, but she lives a good 90 mins away and has two children including a very dependent 1 yr old, who is still bfing all night, etc., and not at all used to being away from her, so she said she'd love to help but couldn't really commit, which is fair enough. I have been thinking about friends I could ask and I can think of two. One of them has had 5 births! So she's pretty experienced. I don't know quite how to raise it with them, though...

I've written to a handful of doulas from the Doula UK website to get an idea of costs, etc. but even 2 weeks later none of them have replied! Doesn't really bode well for reliability... Perhaps they are dealing with VERY long labours...

Thanks again folks, and if I do hear back from these Doulas and find out any more information I shall post it here in case it helps anyone else.

Bee
Bee

PCO/Amenorrhea. Resistant to Clomid. Success with Gonal F ovulation induction.
DS1 born Mar 11 and DS2 born Sept 2013

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Saturday, July 6th 2013, 12:24am

The friend with 5 kids sounds good :-) It is great that you (will) have kids so close in age with your sister. xx

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