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  • "emm81" started this thread

Posts: 112

Reg: Oct 6th 2009

Location: Cambridgeshire

Children: One daughter born Feb '11

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1

Tuesday, January 4th 2011, 2:18pm

rant alert

OK so i'm feeling like a complete bit*h at the moment and hoping i'm not the only one out there feeling like this (I probably am to be honest - people irritate me so easily and I think i'm in the minority).

I am 35 weeks pregnant with my first child after 5 years of trying, 2 failed ICSI, one m/c after 2nd ICSI and finally a successful FET and I count my blessing every single day - my husband and I are just so happy. I'm just getting so fed up with people (friends and family) offering advice, constantly, when I haven't asked for it - them assuming I know nothing and they know everything because they have been there and done that (even though some of them started trying years after us). And patronising questions all the time that I know they're asking just so they can again follow with more advice and I just can't be bothered to answer them. Oh god that sounds so horrible - I know people are only trying to be nice but I just feel so patronised. I know this is partly due to my somewhat irritable personality but i'm hoping my hormones are playing a part in my mega bitchness too. I also know I should be grateful for having people around who care and who can offer me advice (I just wish it was only when I asked for it - I suppose that's just me wanting things my way - selfish!).

Is there anyone else out there who feels like this or is it only me? Rant over.

Emma x

compley

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Posts: 6,056

Reg: Apr 30th 2006

Children: DS and DD

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Tuesday, January 4th 2011, 2:43pm

Hiya,

It can all get a bit much can't it!? Everyone means well, but you're sat there thinking 'If I have to listen to this again.....etc!' Unfortunately, I'd be lying if I said it stops when you've had the baby. Although as time passes, the constant tips and advice do settle down a bit, and there have been times recently when I didn't have a clue where to start, and I was asking friends with older kids for help (potty training...it almost had me pulling my hair out at one point!)

Someone once said to me, 'sit, smile, listen to the advice etc, say thanks, and if it's something that helps/you can use, then great, if not, or it's not for you, then no worries!

When your baby comes along, you will know your baby the best, and you will figure out what works/doesn't work for you, as you go along x

Posts: 328

Reg: May 12th 2007

Location: Norwich

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Thursday, January 6th 2011, 3:14pm

I know exactly where you're coming from. My biggest annoyance has been that people repeatedly continue to tell me how difficult its going to be, how many sleepless nights we're going to have, how exhausting its going to be. Nothing but nothing can compare to the heartache of not being able to conceive for six and a half years and all the treatment and physical and emotional pain we have endured to finally get where we are today. Some days I keep my mouth shut then rant to my mam or husband and other times I bite. Suppose we have lots more unwanted advice to come. Aaargggghhhh!!!!! X(

IUI-Mar07 / IVF-Jul07 / FET-Jan08 / IVF-May09 - ALL BFN
IVF-Jun10 - :BFP:



Jessica

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Posts: 5,041

Reg: Sep 4th 2008

Location: Hertfordshire

Children: One little boy, thanks to IVF

Thanks: 20 / 1

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Thursday, January 6th 2011, 3:38pm

Oh dear! Your post stopped me in my tracks - I think I am guilty of doing this quite a lot at least on FZ, and I'd probably do it 'in real life' too if I knew anyone who is pregnant.

The thing is, I loved being pregnant and I know it's very unlikely that I'll ever be again. I look back on my pregnancy and in the main it was great (well, actually, it was great full-stop) but there were a couple of things I'd do differently if I did ever manage to be pregnant again, or I'd feel differently about things second time round. I guess it's only natural for people - or maybe it's just me! - to want to share their experiences, and pregnant ladies do just bring something out in people; you do become public property, a bit.

I can completely understand how annoying this is if it's all unsolicited. I comfort myself with the thought that ladies who post on FZ are perhaps happy to receive advice (though thinking about it I see that's not necessarily the case!). I wouldn't dream of spouting off to someone I didn't know very well but I must admit I'd find it hard not to mention things like not leaving packing your hospital bag to the last minute ... you see, there's some unasked for advice creeping in now!

I will shut up. And I will try to remember to try not to annoy ladies on here or elsewhere!

Sorry!
Kitty
xx

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IVF Nov-08 - BFP. DS born July 2009
FET Oct-10 - BFN
IVF Sep-11 - BFN

Posts: 328

Reg: May 12th 2007

Location: Norwich

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Thursday, January 6th 2011, 5:30pm

Jessica, don't worry hun I think we all come on here looking for advice or asking for it and I don't know what I would have done without this site and I appreciate all the feedback I get from everyone on here. I think its more a case of people within our lives like friends and family, thats who I'm moaning about in anycase..Ha Ha!! xx

IUI-Mar07 / IVF-Jul07 / FET-Jan08 / IVF-May09 - ALL BFN
IVF-Jun10 - :BFP:



  • "emm81" started this thread

Posts: 112

Reg: Oct 6th 2009

Location: Cambridgeshire

Children: One daughter born Feb '11

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6

Friday, January 7th 2011, 9:24pm

He he thank god i'm not the only one that feels like this from time to time. Yes, I must say that the majority of the things that are said to me (friends and family) are stories that i'm sure are trying to scare me. For years all I have wanted is to have a child and now that I am I am soooo happy but all I get is ' just wait for all those sleepness nights' ' oh you will definately need an epidural snigger just you wait' (after saying I would like to try without) ' breast feeding IS going to be very difficult you know' etc etc, not a lot of positive things anyway. And just basic things that they think I need to know about, assuming I haven't got a clue - when I haven't even asked for advice - oh dear here I go again. Oh Jessica please don't think i'm moaning about the advice that is given on this forum, I don't know what I would have done without it over the years - the people on here are pretty much the only ones who understand what we go through and the ups and downs and if I am looking for advice this is the first place I come - and I love offering advice in return- it's just some people in my life, who are lovely and who I know are excited for me and trying to help (and i'll add it's hard sometimes receiving advice from people who have had a child way after we even started trying - hard for me anyway) - just sometimes I wish they'd simmer down a bit and maybe stop and think that maybe there are some things I am already aware of.

I know, I know all this makes me sound like an awful person - I know this, I just sometimes need to vent and I'm afraid it just all comes spurting out in one messy go. Anyway, I think it is all off my chest now so no more horrible rants from me - I'm adding negativity to this forum and I don't want to do that. :) :) :) :) :) :)

    United Kingdom

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Location: Up to my armpits in ironing

Children: Three gorgeous daughters!

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Friday, January 7th 2011, 10:35pm

Hi Emm

You're not an awful person, we all feel like that at times! I'm pregnant with our second baby and I'm still getting it occasionally from some people, it drives me nuts too, especially the glaringly obvious stuff it's very patronising at times!

When I was pg with our DD I prepared myself for the worst after hearing all the stuff people had said, I had accepted that BF wasn't going to be a breeze, I was going to be very tired and I could get PND afterwards. The reality was that I found BF very easy, not painful at all but more time consuming that I expected. I was tired until I started to nap some of the times our DD was napping, I also didn't do as much around the house or worry about what state the kitchen or living room where in (I still don't worry about it either ). I found that I have never been happier since becoming a mum, I never expected to enjoy it this much and I hope that I feel the same when our second baby arrives.

Proof them all wrong Emm! :D

xxx


Angel baby April 07, Angel baby December 07, DD1 August 09, DD2 March 11, DD3 October 13

Jessica

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    United Kingdom

Posts: 5,041

Reg: Sep 4th 2008

Location: Hertfordshire

Children: One little boy, thanks to IVF

Thanks: 20 / 1

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Friday, January 7th 2011, 11:09pm

Well said Polly! I think I astonished a lot of people by repeatedly saying I was finding things a lot easier than I had expected ... but like Poll says it wasn't so hard, especially after everything we went through to get pregnant in the first place!

I also found breastfeeding easy after the first day or so, though my DS fed very frequently which I found a bit stressful (he wasn't doing what all the books said he should!!) until I decided to ignore everyone's advice and just go with the flow. Things got a lot better after that, so that is one piece of advice I try to pass on (I hope that's OK!) - I read somewhere that if it's not a problem for you (whatever it is; frequent feeding, using a dummy, rocking to sleep, whatever) then it's not a problem. If it gets to be a problem for you, then do something about it, but don't worry about things that work for you if people say you 'shouldn't' be doing them! (If that makes sense.)

I don't understand people who come out with all that negative sort of stuff. I mean, it's hardly constructive is it! What are you expected to do? Say "Oh gosh, sleepless nights? I hadn't realised. Well in that case I've changed my mind."?! And as for epidurals and whatnot, there's no harm in starting out hoping not to have one. You can have whatever you want in your birth plan, as long as you keep an open mind and be prepared for anything. I wanted a home birth and managed right up until DS was about 2cm away from freedom on my TENS machine alone but he got stuck and I ended up having a spinal block epidural and forceps delivery in hospital - but I still feel like I pretty much did it all by myself and often forget about all the intervention at the end as that took up a tiny part of the whole labour. I didn't once feel like I wanted or needed an epidural so it's not true that everyone 'definitely needs' one.

Anyway, I will shut up now, but do wish you well and just try to ignore all the negative stuff. I've been so happy since our DS arrived; it IS hard work, of course it is, you know it will be, but it's just so so worth it!


PS: Pack your hospital bag if you haven't already! I was convinced I was going to be late, DS arrived 3 weeks early ... it's not fun trying to pack your bag in established labour; trust me, I know!
Kitty
xx

_____________________

IVF Nov-08 - BFP. DS born July 2009
FET Oct-10 - BFN
IVF Sep-11 - BFN

    United Kingdom

Posts: 15,284

Reg: Sep 24th 2006

Location: Up to my armpits in ironing

Children: Three gorgeous daughters!

Thanks: 100 / 90

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Saturday, January 8th 2011, 12:05pm

That is so true Jessica! Go with the flow, its when I started to do that I really started to enjoy being a mum even more.

I also agree about getting your hospital bag packed early, I went into labour at 37 weeks and wasn't 100% ready partly because I wanted a home birth too, I had obstetric cholestasis meaning I had to have a hospital birth in the end. Yes labour is painful, you know that, I know that. I think I was more surprised by temporarily getting tourettes every time I had a go on the gas and air! :snigger:

xxx


Angel baby April 07, Angel baby December 07, DD1 August 09, DD2 March 11, DD3 October 13

  • "emm81" started this thread

Posts: 112

Reg: Oct 6th 2009

Location: Cambridgeshire

Children: One daughter born Feb '11

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10

Monday, January 10th 2011, 2:58pm

Thanks all for making me feel like i'm not the only one - I have felt terrible for moaning about it.

Good point about the hospital bag - I have pretty much finished packing it - it is huge and heavy - but nevermind the hubby will be carrying it ha ha. I am convinced i'm going to go into labour early so I want to be prepared - my worst nightmare would be if I had nothing ready.

As for giving birth and becoming a mum - I am so excited I can't wait - no negative things that people have said to me have bothered me or scared me - at the end of the day everyone is different and everyone's experience is different. Bring it on!!! :)

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