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  • "Debi1" started this thread
  • Algeria

Posts: 273

Reg: Jun 21st 2008

Location: Leeds

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Wednesday, May 26th 2010, 9:50am

First midwife appointment (new pregnancy after loss)

I had my first appointment with the midwife yesterday. I came out feeling really upset.

I'm now 10 weeks after a successful FET cycle. Two years ago I lost my little one at 17 week due to chromosome abnormalities. They said at the time it was just one of those things and no reason why it should happen again, but I am so worried and scared.

So yesterday there were two midwives and the young one was all “oh lovely, congratulations, a Xmas baby” and then the other (older) one completely shot her down and said “hold on, we mustn’t get too excited. she is really high risk because of what happened before and we really can’t celebrate until after all the tests are done, we have to keep our feet on the ground and be realistic”. My file has been plastered with the words “high risk”.

I know she is right and I am so scared things are going to go wrong. I'm just finding it so hard to feel positive and just worry that history will repeat itself.

Deb x



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Wednesday, May 26th 2010, 10:04am

It's natural to feel like you do. I've been around this board for years and I reckon that most women who have had a loss (especially a later loss) have absolutely no trust in their own body's ability to carry a successful pregnancy. It's hard when you have no frame of reference for what a normal pregnancy is like, the kind where you get a baby at the end....

It's hard enough for you to have had a later loss, as you did two years ago but to then spend months going through treatment, to get ten weeks into a pregnancy and 'still' feel that you haven't quite made it..... well that's a heck of a long time to be anxious and worried.

What you must try to get your head around is that despite your own past, this is a brand new pregnancy and this baby is different to the last. This baby has a new placenta, a new set of chromasomes, a new set of hormones for your body and if your hospital have assured you that your loss was a one off then it won't have any bearing on this pregnancy. Getting to ten weeks is a great start!

When's your scan?

    United Kingdom

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Location: Up to my armpits in ironing

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Wednesday, May 26th 2010, 10:09pm

Aww Debi I am so sorry you've been made to feel this way. :sadface: I find it very insensitive of your MW to even say that.

Listen to Bells, she's right in what she has said.

Thinking of you and hoping you can soon start to enjoy being pregnant.


Angel baby April 07, Angel baby December 07, DD1 August 09, DD2 March 11, DD3 October 13



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Friday, May 28th 2010, 10:20am

Awww, Debi. You would have thought an experienced midwife would have tried to put you at ease. Sounds a bit like mine was on Weds. Young one all eager, older one a bit off putting.... Wonder if we are under the same community team ?( (I'm in Leeds too) Listen, if your hospital consultant was pretty confident last time that there is no reason this will be the same, hold onto that. Bells is right. This is a totally new situation. I know its easy to say, but keep positive. You will be seeing a consultant very soon and they will know more than the midwife did Hang on in there...