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  • "Sez140" started this thread

Posts: 799

Reg: Feb 25th 2009

Location: Hatfield, Herts

Children: Alexander (March 2010) - the result of ICSI at Hammersmith

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Tuesday, July 7th 2009, 5:59pm

Will I ever be the same again?

Hi All,

So... I was thinking about this whole journey, and how hard it's been and how happy I am to have my BFP. And I was wondering - is it maybe time to try and rejoin the "main-stream" pregnant people? You know? Pick up where I left off? Consider this IVF thing a little detour? All over and done with now? I am "normal" again now?

So I signed up for a standard, "normal" pregnancy website, started chatting with people, all very nice and dandy.

Until I spotted a couple of posts on there about "not wanting the baby they'd just concieved" or "couldn't afford it" or "too soon after their last child" or "hope this ends in miscarriage" - and so on.

Now I'm usually a very reasonable person. I appreciate that people have different lives from me and that they believe different things. Have different needs even. I'm cool with that. But it made me so mad to read that. It upset me (maybe just pregnancy hormones!!). After what I've been through and after what I've seen others go through - agghhhh! No!

So anyway - I would never say anything to upset anyone, what ever their views and situation. It's not my place to comment. But I was aware of how desperately I wanted to just come back here, to be with people that understood me; I didn't feel much closeness to these "normal" people, they may as well live on different planet to me.

So any idea that I had of this infertility/IVF thing just being a little detour is rubbish. I am a different person now aren't I? Completely different.

Even stuff about whether they'd told their mums yet made me laugh. My mum has been getting up at 5am to come to the IVF clinic with me when DH couldn't make it. You bet I've told her! It's a completely different situation for me, in comparison to them.

Can I stay here with you lot?! I'm sorry I ever thought I could leave. Will you forgive me and take me back?! :snigger:

Loads of love, Sarah xxx
May09:ICSI-sperm issues
Jul09: BFP! DS born Mar10
Jan12: ICSI-LOR-BFP-lost at 3 days
May12: looking 4 donor eggs

This post has been edited 2 times, last edit by "Sez140" (Jul 7th 2009, 6:02pm)



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Tuesday, July 7th 2009, 7:19pm

Even the people here are relatively 'normal' ... well.... some of them are :snigger:

I hope that, although we do have a lot of women who have conceived with assistance, we do have a blummin good amount of knowledge and we absolutely strive to make sure that it's factually correct. Not only that but people stick around right from finding out that they need help getting pregnant right up to the day they wave their children off to school (and even beyond). Apart from maybe a couple of extra appointments and maybe a few extra drugs, your pregnancy is just the same as anyone elses, physically at least .... but at least here you can be sure everyone understands the psychological side of a long awaited, desperately wanted and cherished pregnancy.

The other forum sounds like it's full of eejits and at least here you're guaranteed not to have to read any upsetting comments, even from the girls who conceived naturally ... the uniting point being that everyone here desperately wants and loves their babies. I hope you do stick around 88)

  • "kelly2212" is no longer a member of FZ

Posts: 569

Reg: Mar 31st 2009

Location: Hampshire

Children: 1 DD aged 9 to a previous relationship

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Tuesday, July 7th 2009, 8:03pm

looking at whats "normal" out there. im much happier here. Support, love and kindness all wrapped up into one forum. :D

Congratulations on your BFP Sarah xxx

Me 29 DH 36 TTC 6 years babydust

1st ICSI- 23/09/09 :BFP: MC @ 5 weeks



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Tuesday, July 7th 2009, 8:11pm

RE: Will I ever be the same again?


Originally posted by Sez140
So any idea that I had of this infertility/IVF thing just being a little detour is rubbish. I am a different person now aren't I? Completely different.

Well if you mean that you have been on a difficult journey to get where you are, and as a result are more appreciative of what you have and the things that other people sometimes take for granted , then yes I'm afraid you are different. But would you want to be the kind of person who says those kind of things?


Originally posted by Sez140
Can I stay here with you lot?! I'm sorry I ever thought I could leave.

Course you can stay. Once FZ is under your skin, you can never get away!



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Tuesday, July 7th 2009, 9:03pm

Oh Sarah that did make me smile :D

Lesson #1 - Don't bother looking elsewhere, FZ is fillet steak, the rest is the value range. Stay and enjoy!


ttc since July 06. 8 cycles of clomid. BFP on cycle 5 (Dec 07) ended in m/c at 9.5 weeks. Second BFP on cycle 8 (May 08)

Posts: 711

Reg: Feb 4th 2009

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Tuesday, July 7th 2009, 9:59pm

Firstly Congratulations !!!!

Second - I have to agree with the ladies !!!

I didn't go the IVF journey but found FZ while looking for some information. I appear to be stuck here now :D I wish this site had been around when i started TTC, it would have helped so much. I think that is why i stick around, hopefully i can help somebody else with what i have learned over the years.
What i love about FZ is that there are people who actually understand the good and the bad that comes with TTC, pregnancy and even looking after the children. There is always somebody to talk to, that has been there or is going through the same thing and nobody ever judges or makes flippant, hurtful remarks.
I can't magine being part of a "normal" site besides i would miss my FZ friends too much :D

So welcome back :hugs:
nic xxxxx

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Reg: Nov 3rd 2008

Location: Auckland, NZ

Children: Mum to Cody Charles

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Tuesday, July 7th 2009, 10:40pm

Know exactly what you mean, our ante-natal classes started up a few weeks ago, aka with the *normal* people. One of the first exercises we had was to get in groups males and females and answer a bunch of questions, one of which was 'what did you feel when you found out you were pregnant'. My DH had a REALLY hard time with the blokes group, they were all being dicks and the commonest responses were things like 'can we afford this', 'OMG what have I done', worries about their lives changing for good and being constrained from doing what they want when they want, alot of 'freaked out' etc.

NOONE in the guys group said lucky, excited, thrilled, over the moon etc. My DH said he had to say 'happy', 'excited' etc about 5 times before someone would write that down on their list. Almost like it wasnt 'cool' with them and they didn't want to take it seriously. He was amazed at either how idiotic or just plain out of touch with their emotions they were, he was quite disgusted.

We both feel like we just won the bloody lottery! I mean they are going to get a son or daughter, theyve just made a whole new human being, and thats their response?! Felt a bit like we were the aliens in the room and the others didn't get it, how lucky and fab news like that should be. More scary that so many of them felt that way. Think were going to have a hard time bonding in the coffee/beer groups forming! Nice to be here were people get how totally utterly AWESOME it is to be having a child and just how privileged and lucky we are
IVF/ISCI Nov08 BFP Cody born 8/09
FET-Oct & Dec10 BFN



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Wednesday, July 8th 2009, 9:29am

Congratulations Sarah!

I thought about joining some 'normal' forums but you have totally put me off.

Even though we conceived naturally just before we had our IVF consultation its still different. I feel different. My cousin (who's just turned 18) had her first child in September, basically to get a flat, everyone was shocked but sort of accepted it, she's now due again this August and everyone is just quite disgusted with her as this is to get a house. My Auntie (her Mum) has not said anything to me about being pg, and she knows whats been happening and what we've been through but she's got 4 kids of her own. They just have no idea and are so narrow minded.

I'm pleased you're gonna stick around here.

Deidre - I'm dreading ante-natal classes.

Our miracle was born on 25.02.2010!!



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Reg: Mar 14th 2008

Children: twin girls thanks to PGD!

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Wednesday, July 8th 2009, 1:43pm

Congratulations Sarah!
I believe that struggling to conceive does change people, I am a different person from the one I was 5 years ago, but do you know what? I am proud of it and I believe that I am a better person because of it.
I had not thought until now how I'd feel in a ante-natal class full of people who didn't appreciate how lucky they were. If I am lucky enough to ever go to one at least I'll have time to consider my responses to people now.

After 5 years of endo surgery, clomid, 2 x MM/C, 2 x ICSI cycles and 1 PGD cycle,
beautiful twin girls born 8th Feb 2010, we are so grateful



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Reg: Feb 26th 2007

Location: Edinburgh

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Wednesday, July 8th 2009, 1:56pm

yes, I am a different person because of my initial difficulty to conceive and subsequent miscarriages.
Do I feel that makes me appreciate my pg more? In some ways yes, but I think that's also a sweeping generalisation. I certainly don't think that some of my friends who had no infertility problems appreciate their children any less than I will do mine. Of course they don't realise the ups and downs of my journey or how it has affected me and the way I look at life.

Now that I am pg and it looks (hopefully) like I may continue to be so this time I am really enjoying being able to talk to my friends 'normally' again. Whilst FZ gives me the support of others who truly understand my journey, my 'normal' friends have been through pregnancies and will be able to answer a lot of the questions I have about that.

I am really looking forward to ante-natal classes and am seeing it as an opportunity to hopefully make new friends.


me 38, DP 44, ttc since 2005
BFP May 07 - HB seen @ 8 wks but CRL only 7 weeks, m/c @ 9 wks
BFP Jan 08 -m/c @ 11 wks (D&C)
BFP Jun 08 - early loss
BFP Dec 08 - HB & CRL ok @ 8 wks, but sac too small, m/c @ 9 wks
BFP Apr 09 - Martha born 9th Jan 2010
BFP Feb 12 - Eliza born 13th Oct 2012



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Wednesday, July 8th 2009, 3:40pm

Its easy to say this from the position I am in now, but fertility problems have given me a lot. Firstly it made me question whether I really wanted to be a parent and not just to have a baby because thats what you do. Secondly, it gave DH an I several years to focus on us and has hopefully contributed to us having a stronger relationship. It has obviously made me appreciate my children, although its hard work, physically and emotionally exhausting and at times very difficult, I never, ever loose sight of the huge blessing I have and that makes the hard stuff easier to cope with. And last but by no means leadt, its lead me here and made me some of the best friends I have.

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Reg: Jun 19th 2009

Location: London

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Wednesday, July 8th 2009, 10:13pm

Sarah thanks for a really thoughtful thread - I hadn't thought about some of the things people have mentioned and I guess for me at the moment it is too early. But I do know that I am definitely staying on this thread! No one, but no one, understands this journey apart from other people that have been through it.

Mia xxx
Age 31
TTC 2yrs
Severe Male Factor diagnosed July 08
1st ICSI cycle June 09 BFP - Twins!
Praying for a smooth ride from here