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  • "dizzi-red" started this thread

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Reg: Oct 3rd 2005

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Thursday, October 16th 2008, 3:04am

bullying, school`s not doing their duty. need advice.

this is a long winded story so i appologise for a very long post!!
dd is now 7, she`s in year 3 at school and since year 1 has been havin problems with a girl in her class in her class who`s 4 times bigger than her (dd is tiny!!). at 1st it started off with petty stuff such as this girl saying that dd isnt the age she is as she`s only tiny and still fits in some clothes aged 4 years. dd was getting upset and i did have a word with the teacher a few times to let her know what was going on. the teacher promised to have a word with this girl and nip it in the bud. anyway, that didnt do the trick and i went in a few times but it still only minor things and still nothing got done about it.
2nd year, this girl was still picking on dd but stepped up a mark and started calling dd fat (you can only just pinch an inch on dd) and saying she smells etc, so i went in again and explained about the previous year the teacher promised she`d keep an eye on things and tell me what happens. this did the trick in the class room, but not in the playground but everytime this girl said something dd was told by the playground teachers to ignore it. i must have gone in a thousand times over it. then dd started saying she was fat and would not et as much, again i told the teacher and things seemed to calm down a bit, it wasn`t every day and dd started to eat a bit more.
since going into year 3 in september it`s got really bad, it`s now turned phisical (sp) this girl has done a chinese burn on dds arm nearly everyday, pulls dds bobbles out of her hair then gloats as she says dds hair is scruffy now she has ruined it, calls her names and has told evrybody not to talk to dd. this girl is the biggest in the class and i understand that other kids would be intimidated by her. but dds best friend has sttod by dd through out it all and wont listen to the other girl and is now subjected to the same bullying my daughter is getting by the same girl. i have been into school nearly every week and said that if nothing gets done i will take drastic action as i`m not putting up with it anymore. dd was playing with her best friend in the playground and this girl walked over to dd, told her that she hates her and that nobody likes her but dds best friend said she likes dd so this girl smacked dd in her face, dd smacked her back and got into trouble by the dinner lady. i phoned school up the next day and said dd would not be back in school untill something gets done about this girl, i told them i would contact the education welfare officer and a solicitor and also the obudsmen myself and that i would name and shame in the papers as my daughter has now stopped eating, she has told me that she is going to run out of school and run away and has also told me that she wishes she was dead as this girl wont hurt her anymore. i was called into school by the teacher and the head and i them straight that i wasn`t putting up with it anymore. was promised they would have a strong word with this girl and it would stop. the teacher did have a word with this girl, but she got somebody else to tell my daughter she was fat and ugly.
today was the harvest festival play and i got talking to dds best friends mum, she said she had been into school over 8 times about this girl bullying her daughter and pointed out the girls mum as i didnt have a clue who the mother was. after the play i asked the girls mother if i could have a word with her. i asked her politely if she would have a word with her daughter as i wasn`t going to put up with anymore of her bullying on my daughter, explained what had gone on and also told her that my 7 year old daughter was now nearly annorexic (sp) se was shocked and started crying, she knew nothing about it and said i should have told her straight away and not the teacher as the teachers had said nothing to her about anything that had been going on between dd and her daughter. i said i was sorry for making her cry and i didnt want to upset her, but i just didnt want anymore of the bullying going on.
i ended up being taken into the heads office as i`d `caused a scene` i told them that all i had done is do their job and inform the parent what her child had been doing. there was a long conversation and the head said he was going to investigate it further, the mother said she was going to pick her daughter up early and have strong words with her as she was disgusted at her behaviour. i told the head i was disgusted at the schools way of not dealing with it. we left on speaking terms and i was happy that it was finally going to get sorted out.
i went to collect dd from school at home time to find this girls dad waiting for me, he threatened me in the playground and there were some strong words exchanged, but then he finally calmed down when i told him i`d told the teacers loads of times and thought they had informed the parents. his wife had told him i`d threatened her and made her cry. then i was again met by the head who asked me to go into his office and be told that i was wrong for confronting the paents and that dd isnt being bullied as it`s happening in the class, its in the playground so they class it as being picked on, i class it as the same thing. he then tried to make excuses by saying that the girls parents had been in and admitted their daughter was bossy and played roughly with her father, then the head said that the teachers had commented that the girl was clumsy and loud. but i dont find this an excuse for what she has done. she has also told dd that she is rubbish at everything, her confidence is knocked so bad and i feel sorry for her, she is also going through puberty so her hormones are everywhere and she doesn`t need this ontop of what she is going through atm. i dont know what to do next, it`s not just dd this girl is picking on the head told me that this girl was involved in another insident last year which didnt involve dd, dds best friend is being bullied aswell by the same girl and i`m sure there are other kids in the class being bullied by her so the school is well aware of her ways and still has not done anything. dd said that the head told her she cant stay off school as i will get into serious trouble, but i will pay as much as i have to, will serve time in prison if it means my daughter is safe and happy, i have blasted the head for sayin that to dd as i dont want her to think she cant tell me if anything happens incase i get into trouble. i was bullied in school really bad to the point i turned annorexic (sp) and left school at 14 withou qualifications, i dont want that for my daughter. i have cried myself to sleep many times over this and just dont know what to do, i dont want to change her school as she does have some good friend there, and i dont see why she should start a new school and knw nobody when she has done nothing wrong. i dont know if it`s worth waiting to see if it settles down now, or if to take dd out of school till they realise that something has to be done.
the girls father tried to bully me in the playground, but i stood my ground and i dont know if that will do any good or bad? i`m stuck. i am crying as i type this. dd doesnt see her father, so it`s not like i can ask him to go into school. has anyone else been in this situation or similar? i was treated like a naughty kid today at school while the girls mother was given hugs and taken ito the staff room while she was comforted by teachers, i was threatened by a bloke which i would understand if it was my dd bullying his daughter but it`s the other way round. dp has 3 daughters, the youngest is a bit boysterus (sp) and if she does anything to anyone he is bought into school straight away, but they have let my dd go through this for 3 years. have i done the right thing? have i done the wrong thing? will it get worse or will it stop?
sorry this is o long, i just needed to get it off my chest.
xx

me 25,
partner 33,
7 year old daughter
3 step daughters aged 9, 5 and 3
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Thursday, October 16th 2008, 6:15am

Dizz that is terrible. I don't think any child should have to go through that and it is now 2 years and more that this has been going on. Is there a next level to go to? A school board to complain about the school not doing as it should? I've never been in that situation but I honestly think I would want to remove her from that school - I know she is not the one who did wrong but it would probably be worse for her to be left in that environment than to remove her to another school.
Hun, I hope this gets sorted soon...


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  • "dizzi-red" started this thread

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Thursday, October 16th 2008, 2:29pm

hi rene,
there is a woman who i could contact to complain about the school, but i`m having trouble finding her number! not sure if i should just contact the ombudsmen and see if they could help me.
the girl isn`t in school today so dd will have a break from her!! but i do think that the school should susspend her as a punnshiment, as it`s not only dd who she has bullied.
xx

me 25,
partner 33,
7 year old daughter
3 step daughters aged 9, 5 and 3
3 m/c 01, 04 and o5




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Thursday, October 16th 2008, 3:07pm

That sounds awful Diz. It seems very strange that the school haven't approached th e childs parents if so many others have complained. I have no personal experience of this but there is a charity at www.bullying.co.uk (can't get the link to work) and they should have some practical advice for you.





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Thursday, October 16th 2008, 5:00pm

Ooooh that makes my blood boil, it really does. :cross:

You have done the right thing by far and I am right behind you 100%, my son whos 6 gets bullied every now and again at school and has come home with bruises and cuts etc and I go down the school every time and the response I get every time is 'boys will be boys' it infuriates me every time!!!!

Ive decided that if it happens again and the school refuse to do anything I will remove him from the school until they do listen. I will not tollerate this behaviour when I know its going on right under my nose.

Yesterday when he left school he was holding his arm which was grazed and he said a boy had pulled him then threw him to the ground. Well, I marched him straight to the childs mother and told my son to tell her what had happened. She made her son apologise.

I cant stand the fact that it still goes on in this day and age, it repulses me.

So proud of you for making a stand, dont ever doubt yourself. You go girl, there can be some nasty kids out there who dont know any better and without people like you standing up to them they will continue to do so.

Well done!

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mad_shell66

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Thursday, October 16th 2008, 6:01pm

Hun this is awful. You need to contact to governers about this.

It is disgusting! x

Rufus

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Thursday, October 16th 2008, 8:43pm

Oh Dizz, I am devastated to read this both as a teacher and a parent. We take a very strong line on anti-bullying in any school I have ever taught in (the last two even have annual anti-bullying weeks). This should not be going on at all. It should've been nipped in the bud at the start. All schools have a responsibiltiy to every child involved - both the bully and the victim - one to reform and the other to correct.

Could you ask to speak to the teacher and the principal at an appointed time and ask them to have a copy of their anti-bullying policy (legally they should have one). If they haven't adhered to their own rules then you can contact the board of governors and the local education board.

I am happy to discuss this further by pm if you have any questions.

Also I wanted to ask, did you say dd is going through puberty? This is very unusual for a child under 9. It may be that your school nurse/gp can organise some support for your daughter tto deal with all of this. thinking of you, lvoe Lesa xx
Keep smiling :happy:

soph01

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Thursday, October 16th 2008, 8:49pm

That is disturbing, I wish I could be of more help. Trying contacting authorities and the site mrsjasper recommended might have contacts who can possibly take care of this issue. Good luck.

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Thursday, October 16th 2008, 8:50pm

hiya diz!

i had a similar experience with one of the moms at spuds school when i 'had a word' with her about spud being picked on, the teachers didnt like that i had spoken to the mother, and was told it was being delt with....but it wasnt!

heres my thread,
blummin angry!!!
id stick to your guns but dont lose your temper...if you lose your temper they wont listen to your side of it, keep calm and get the right outcome for DD
it is a very good idea to arrange a meeting with teachers and the other childs parents asap.

hope you get on ok.

love k xxx



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Thursday, October 16th 2008, 10:57pm

I think a letter to the Chair of Governers explaining events and your concerns would be a good idea. Keep a copy yourself.


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  • "dizzi-red" started this thread

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Friday, October 17th 2008, 9:22pm

thanks everyone for your advice, and also for the links, i will have a good nosey at them!!
seems like the word with the mother has worked, dd said the girl came in school late yesterday and she was hugging dd most of the day saying she was sorry for making her sad, also the same thing today. the girl has told dd that she wants to be best friends with dd now!!! dd is very happy, also i think the strong words i said to the school is also working (i was calm but pointed out the fact that if I bullied dd she would be taken off me, and also that if someone hit me in the face i would hit them back!!) a boy had pinched dds arm during play today and dd told the playground teacher, her reply was do it back to him!! dd didnt though but it`s nice to kno that she`s not just being shoved away like she was before.
rufus, yes dd is going through puberty, i know it`s a young age, but i was also young when i started mine, my mum was too, so it does run in the family with us girlies!! i have friends with daughters and 2 of them are also going through puberty. i was considering asking the gp if there was any support that could be offered to both me and dd as i kno it`s a horrible thing to go through, and also as i dont really kno how to approach it myself!! i have always tried to keep her innocense and i`m not sure what to say in a way she would understand, but also without telling her too much!! she has been telling everyone that she`s getting boobs, which i have tried to explain that that`s a very personal thing and not something she has to tell EVERYONE!

me 25,
partner 33,
7 year old daughter
3 step daughters aged 9, 5 and 3
3 m/c 01, 04 and o5




Rufus

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Saturday, October 18th 2008, 9:35pm

Ah Dizz, the poor wee pet. I know of a girl who was nine and she was so distraught and teffified... Thinking of you both.

So glad the school thing is going better though - long may it continue! Love Lesa xx
Keep smiling :happy:

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Saturday, October 18th 2008, 9:42pm

Im so glad that DD is feeling a bit happier and that they have decided to be best friends now. That was all down to you and your efforts, once again well done for not letting those bullies win x

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